Sometimes it all gets a little bit too much. I’m sure you know the feeling when just nothing works out, your to do list becomes longer and longer and your problems start piling up. When I get to that point I just feel empty and so tiny and unimportant to the world but at the same time I feel like I’m getting consumed by all the ‘shoulds’. I wanna just crawl up in a cozy blanket drink hot chocolate and eat loads food, but I know then I will just feel even more miserable and be mad at myself for letting me go and for letting the time pass without being productive in any way, neither getting some stuff done nor sorting out my feelings, finding out more about how I can deal with the stress and negative emotions. That but a lot of sorting out for me. Don’t get me wrong, I know that people have way worse problems than I do and that in the end I am very lucky – and I really do appreciate all that I have… Most of the time. But as I said sometimes it just adds up and consumes me. Yesterday I things happend that brang the barrel to overflowing. I think it doesn’t really matter was it is that brings us down, there will always be something, but what matters is how we deal with it and that we become stronger because of it. Yesterday I did my best not being fully consumed by my pain and followed the unexpected urge to just go on a run. I didn’t want to run away, I wanted to free my mind and try to find a way back to the things that really matter. And although I am not the most keen person on running it was amazing. Nature always really zens me. The plants just are. They don’t worry, they don’t rack their brains. Whatever happens in my life or in any other person’s life it doesn’t affect them. That for me that is so calming. I feel really fortunate that I have the opportunity to live relly closely to a big forest that’s been left to itself without perople interfering with the natural way of growing and dying.
Just running through the forest was the best thing I ever did when feeling – I can’t really describe how I feel – maybe empty, numb and profoundly sad.
I don’t know what it was about it, I think it’s because you’re doing something where you don’t need to think, something physical, having to push yourself at the beginning untill suddenly it becomes easy. Your body just moves automatically, in a flow. This flow kind of expands onto you mind. It is not like you can’t think but don’t need to. In a way it’s like meditating. Really supporting that feeling was the music I was listening to – Codes And Keys by Death Cab For Cutie. For me their music reminds me of ‘the old times’ and that for some reason is also realy calming to me. And it kind of gives me the feeling that humans have existed for oh so many thousands of years and that they all had problems and pushed through them. It makes my problems insignificant, and that -really- is what they are. They are so limited to the present time. Instead I want to focus on the things that make me happy, or have the possibilty to do so in the future if I focus and concentrate on them. I wish we would all focus on the good things and not get to caught up in the bad ones. I know my life with never be perfect, but what I focus on will be what will multiply in my life and I want taht to be positve, uplifting and inspiring things.
So if you ever feel down just think about what comforts you and can uptift you and focus on that.
~life is a gift. wake up every day and realize that. ~