Forever is composed of nows.

Forever is composed of nows.

~ Emily Dickison

A new year has begun. Many people have set themselves new year’s resolutions that they want to achieve this year. I think you don’t need a new year for that. Everyday is a new chance for you to change who you are. You don’t even need to wait for a new day, you can even start at 10 pm at night. Every moment there will ever be is now.

I remember a moment in 10th grade when I was sitting on a park bench saying exactly that to my friends – ‚now we’re sitting on this bench, when we finished our A levels in school it will feel like now, the first day of university when you’re excited and nervous about what will come is now‘, me sitting here writing this is now.

Every moment I ever had felt like now at that moment. And every event that will occur in the future will be now at that time.

Sometimes I wish I could just plan my day and then not have to live through certain parts of it. So I could plan my day like ‚eat breakfast, do things for university for 5 hours and then meet friends‘. And then can just skip from breakfast to friends not having to live through the part where the 5 hours are now. But that’s not how it works.

And that’s why it is so important that we find things that we love and don’t want to skip to live through but rather wish they would continue for longer. Or that if there is a task we have to do we find some part of that which we enjoy. Sometimes I just pause and try to absorb everything around me. What I feel with my hands, what I hear and see. And then enjoy the sensation. It makes me feel alive and these moments, even if they are not extraordinary in any way, become special because I am aware – of myself and my surroundings. These are the moments I remember.

One time I was walking to university through the city, it was an early morning, the sky and houses were grey, it rained a little. I was just trying to get to my class room as quickly as possible, wrapped in my scarf, shoulders pulled up against the wind and cold. And then I thought I should embrace this moment and not just wait for it to pass. So I tried to open my senses. I felt the ground through the soles of my feet, felt the rain and wind in my face and saw how the tree branches swayed in the wind. I felt refreshed by the rain and happy to feel the nature around me, to be present.

And then I thought about a quote that’s something like ‚Enjoy every moment of your life‘. I used to interpret this in a way that I wanted to try to create a life where every moment is so special and amazing that I had no other choice than to enjoy it immensely. But now I’ve realized that that’s not it. Nobody can have a life where every moment is amazing. That’s not what it’s about. It’s about valuing every moment for what it is. It doesn’t have to be spectacular. You can sit on your bed and value the silence that surrounds you. You can sit in a restaurant and listen to the laughter of your friends. Or to the slow, deep breath of your little sister next to you on the sofa who fell asleep during a movie.

There is something in every moment that is worth being recognized and valued. Chasing a life filled with only incredible moments doesn’t make you joyful, it takes away your happiness. But finding beauty in your now does. And you don’t have to chase anything, it’s right there, around you.

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